2011 Hutcheson Update!

Happy New Year!!

From our family to yours, we wish you warm blessings in 2012! No matter where you may be or what you may be going through, we pray you may experience God's peace and joy in this new year like never before.

We'd like to update you a little on how things are going in our neck of the woods!

Drew- Drew is working two jobs and is keeping very busy! He works part time as a youth pastor for Bethel Baptist Church of Muskegon, teaching lessons Sunday morning and night, hanging out with the youth, and organizing lots of fun (and crazy!) events to keep them busy! He is absolutely wonderful at what he does! He also works full time (47+) hours a week as the manager of a Boost Mobile store here in Fremont. He sells many phones and helps many others with their phone problems. Since he started, sales have gone through the roof and his boss is very impressed with his hard work (so are his wife and son =)! Drew has already started taking classes towards his masters degree and he will finish it up soon after we return from Uganda.

Daddy introducing Isaiah to snow. He saw lots of it last winter but was too young to remember!

Amber- I am an at home mom and I absolutely love my job (and what a full time job it is!)!! It is such a blessing to be home with Isaiah and I treasure our time together!!  Isaiah and I keep busy all day long whether it be cleaning the house, grocery shopping, playdates with other mommies and babies or helping daddy do the things he wants to but can't because he's at work (like write this update! =) I am currently keeping busy writing thank-yous to our donors, getting our international driving permits (so we can drive in Uganda), scheduling meetings, buying and packing things we need for Uganda, and working on the paperwork needed for our adoption!

Christmas morning!

Love love love this sweet, sweet boy!!

Isaiah- Isaiah is 15 months old and is such a sweet boy! He sleeps 12-13 hours at night and still takes two 1 & 1/2 hour naps during the day. We are thankful! He is easy going, obedient (for a one year old!), and is almost always happy! He is a VERY busy boy and is always learning and doing new things. He doesn't sit still for long! We started teaching him sign language when he was 8 months old and he is constantly signing: "all done", "more", "please",  and "thank you". He can also say several things including "mama", "dada", "gigi", "hot", "this", "kitty", "uncle" (his Uncle Josh swears he says it!), "bye-bye", "night-night", and "bama gaga booo jajaka" which I think means, "Dad and Mom, I love you so much, thank you for taking care of me every day, you're the best!". He gives the most delectable open mouth kisses and bear hugs. He celebrated his first birthday on September 25 but wasn't very interested in opening gifts yet. This past Christmas was a different story! He ripped into his gifts with curiosity and excitement. It was so much fun to experience the wonder of Christmas through a child's eyes! Isaiah is a very flexible baby and did very well during our five week stay in Florida where he missed many naps, had many late bed times, and many different babysitters. He thrives, however, in a structured routine of predictable nap and bed times which we implement when we are at home!

The certified present hander-outer at our family Christmas party!

The wrapping paper is just as fun as the present!

He could get used to this present opening thing!

His very own place mat!

Isaiah doing his "model" walk. This boy seriously cracks us up!!

Now that the holidays are almost over and things are starting to settle down, we are able to get busy again with our support raising! We took a break for the holidays to rest and relax and enjoy time with family but now it's time to get back at it again! We are so thankful for the support we have raised thus far and we are trusting the Lord to bring in the rest during these next 5 months before we head to Uganda!

Please join us as we praise the Lord that:

• We have raised 40% of our monthly support!
• Things are progressing, slowly but surely, with our adoption!

Please join us in prayer that:

• We would raise 100% of our support by May 2012!
• Our adoption would go smoothly and we would have our new baby in our home by this summer. The last piece of the puzzle we need in order to complete our home study is a background check from Morocco for Amber. Please pray that it would come back in time to complete our home study and send it off to the government to get USCIS approval before we leave for Uganda.

Thank you to all of our friends and family who have already given and who are praying for us! We are so grateful and so blessed to have such a great support group surrounding us as we follow the Lord's call to mission work overseas. We could not do it without people like you!

If you feel led to help support our work with International Justice Mission please visit the Start-up & Support page of our blog for more information on how you can be a part of helping rescue victims of violent oppression in Uganda.

In all things we remember that:

"The one who calls [us] is faithful, and he will do it!" 

1 Thessalonians 5:24

We trust in Him!

We hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!!

LOVE AND LOGIC MAGIC! Part III

Well, now that Christmas is over and things are starting to settle down, I'm back for the third part of my series on a parenting book that Drew and I are currently implementing called Love and Logic Magic by Jim and Charles Fay. If you missed the previous two posts you can catch up here and here.

In posts 1 and 2 I shared with you the first two principles of Love and Logic: Build the Self-Concept and Share the Control.

The third principle of Love and Logic is: Provide a Strong Dose of Empathy Before Delivering Consequences

As you may have learned from personal experience, when we hurt, we are often moved to make changes we might not otherwise make. Similarly, Love and Logic parents know that the pain of poor choices helps children learn to avoid mistakes. They also know that for this to happen, parents must allow it to happen in a loving way. Love and Logic parents are both strict and very loving at the same time.

Love and Logic parents LOVE it when their children make mistakes! Why? Because the price tags of those mistakes made by young children are much smaller than those made by teens. What's the price tag of wasting one's allowance at age five? It's insignificant. What's the price tag of wasting one's paycheck at age twenty-one? That's another story! What's the price tag of crashing one's tricycle? Perhaps a skinned knee. What's the price tag off crashing one's car at age sixteen? Perhaps one's life.

About ready to take off!



Our happy little guy!

A couple of months ago we taught Isaiah the word "hot." He knew when he saw my curling iron that it was "hot" but his book, the wall, his stuffed animal, and the raspberry he was eating were also "hot." We were happy that he could say the word but we wanted him to know the meaning. So, we allowed him to briefly touch my "hot" curling iron. Did he cry? You betcha! (Don't worry, we didn't burn and blister him or anything! =) There was no lasting mark!) But you know what? He learned what "hot" means! And now he says the stove, the hand dryers at McDonald's, his hot dog that just came out of the microwave, and my parents' pellet stove are "hot." He needed to hurt a little to learn to avoid making that mistake in the future. We'd much rather have him cry for a minute from touching one little finger to a curling iron than have him reach out and grab the whole barrel with his hand because he doesn't know what the word "hot" means. It's been a great comfort to us to be able to say something is "hot" and see him avoid it. (And he is just so adorable when he sees something hot. He says "hot, hot, hot" over and over again and reaches out his hand like he's going to touch it and then quickly brings it back again just like we do when we tell him something is hot. He's so precious!)

Here's a picture from this past Christmas that shows Isaiah's understanding of the word hot. We were at my grandparents and they have a gas heater with a very hot pilot flame that has nothing protecting little hands from touching it. Isaiah reached out to touch it while I was taking a picture of him.

 I immediately told him that the heater was hot and he was not allowed to touch it and he pulled his hand right back! He doesn't mess around with hot things! :)

Robert's dad, Steve, had not gone fishing in a long time, and he was looking forward to this trip. This time Steve was taking his son, who was going fishing for the first time. They were both excited; however, by the time they made the hour-long drive, little Robert was what we call "three-quarters cranky"- not really a problem yet, but getting there.

Robert started to whine, "I don't want to go fishing. This is boring. It's cold up here."

"Well," said Steve, "let's give it a try since we came all this way." The two of them found a shallow part of the lake and walked out halfway, where it was only about a foot deep. There were some mossy rocks- fairly flat but not very high- jutting out of the water.

When Steve looked up, he saw Robert starting to climb one of the low rocks. He thought to himself, "I better warn him and tell him to get off that rock. He's going to fall in. I know he is."

What does a wise Love and Logic parent do at this point? The first question is always, "Will my child get hurt if he makes a mistake?" Steve quickly reviewed the situation. "It's sandy here, not high, but he could get cold." The second question a parent asks is, "What will the child learn from this?" Steve thought, "He'll never do it again!"

A second later Steve heard a big splash. he turned and saw Robert jumping out of the water moving toward his father. "Daddy!" Robert cried, "You didn't tell me that rocks get slippery when they're wet!"

"Well," asked his father, with warmth and sadness in his voice, "What do you think?"

"I think they do!" Little Robert said as his dad pulled a towel from his backpack and wrapped it around his son.

"You're right!" said Steve. "You are one smart kid, you know that?"

Steve contributed to Robert's self-concept by letting him make the slippery rock discovery on his own. He didn't enjoy watching his son fall in, but he allowed it, because he knew it was an opportunity for learning. The next time they went fishing, do you think little Robert watched the rocks closely to be sure of his footing? Absolutely!

Love and Logic parents look upon their children's mistakes with great joy! Rather than get angry or frustrated, they see mistakes as opportunities for their kids to think. They ask questions, wait for answers, and make heavy deposits into their children's wisdom accounts. Unfortunately many parents short-circuit or destroy the learning value of mistakes by lecturing or responding with sternness or anger.



Bath time! (and notice the thumb poised for action! I had probably just pulled it out of his mouth. =)

Why Anger Short-Circuits Learning

The "fight or flight" response exists in all human beings. When we feel threatened or in danger, our brain tells us, "this is unsafe! Get ready to fight, or get ready to run away!" When we deliver consequences with anger, children's brains go into "survival" mode rather than "learning" mode. They think more about escaping or getting revenge than about how to make smarter choices in the future. In survival mode, we cannot learn. But, when parents provide empathy before delivering consequences, there is no "fight or flight" response. Our children are much less likely to become too angry or scared to learn or to blame others for his or her mistake.

Every time we use empathy, our kids' reasoning brains turn on. Every time we deliver threats or anger, their reasoning brains turn off. Empathy opens the mind to learning.

ANGER VS. EMPATHY

Consequences with Anger

• Stop spitting that food! Quit it! That's it! I'm sick and tired of this! You'll just have to go hungry!
• For crying out loud! If you would just take care of your toys, they wouldn't break. No! I won't buy you another. What do you think? Do you think money grows on trees?
• No, I am not taking you out for pizza. What do you expect after the way you behaved last time? I hope this teaches you a lesson!
• Quit that wining! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop it! Go to your room!

Consequences with Empathy

• How sad. Dinner is over.
• Bummer. I feel so sad when I break my things.
• That is so sad. We can have pizza sometime when I don't have to worry about tantrums in the restaurant.
• Uh-oh. So sad. Looks like a little bedroom time.

Well, that's all for now, folks! I'll write about the last Love and Logic principle soon. I know to some people this may be pretty boring but I am sure to many mothers with young kids out there it is very, very interesting! =) I know I love reading blogs of other moms and seeing what they are doing with their kids. I know one thing for sure, writing about all the Love and Logic stuff has really drilled it into my head. I think I'm going to be dreaming about this stuff!!

Christmas Cookies!

We don't have very many Christmas cookie cutters (actually only two) so we had to improvise with some valentines day ones. =)

Roll and cut, roll and cut!



Roll and cut some more!

One tray out of the oven and ready for decorating!!



All the needed supplies.



Colors!



The master decorator himself.

Some finished products (there were lots more....we'll be eating them until February!)



And finally........approved by the certified taste tester. They passed the test!!! Yay!!!!


Merry Christmas Everyone!!!



Resting & Reflecting Amidst Advent

Rest & Reflect
I don't know about you, but I'm finding the Christmas season to be one of the more frenetic paced times of the year. Christmas parties, church events, gift buying, snow shovelling (depending on where you live), and much more all seem to make for a jammed-packed December. Please don't let ths sound like a complaint. I enjoy Christmas get-togethers, Christmas music, the snow and gift buying (especially receiving gifts!).

However, during the Advent Season, there's an underlying need within everyone to find the time to properly rest and reflect upon the passing year. For the Christian, there's an even more crucial need to reflect upon the passing year and how you've grown in the Savior. This post - I hope - will simply serve as some food for thought or even as an admonishment to invite you into a state of solitude and silence this Christmas to reflect upon the ultimate Giver and His involvement in your life.

The Question
Our interior posture towards the Lord is in many ways very similar to our physical nature. The less rest and food our body receives, the weaker and more dismal it becomes. One question we must ask ourselves is if we're at the point in our walk with the Lord to even want to nourish our inner-selves, our relationship with Christ. Of course the cookie-cutter Christian answer everyone would give is "Yes!" Probably not to sound un-spiritual or looked down upon by others in the faith. But forget that. This is a test of honesty with ourselves; it's a matter of transparency before God Himself and our lives. Do you truly hunger and thirst for God and His word?

Scenarios of Need
Maybe you're taking on too much in life right now at the expense of those closest to you (wife, children, etc.). Perhaps you're finding your emotions a tad more volatile than usual, feeling inwardly torn in differing directions in life. Or, maybe you are undergoing times of confusion, and God's presence in your life is being drowned out by everything else life is demanding of you right now.

Rest = Revivification
My encouragement to you is to go against the tide this Christmas season and find time (say, 30 minutes a few times a week) to get alone and seek after the Lord in solitude and silence. Whether it's writing in a journal, spending time in prayer, marvelling at a sunrise or sunset, talking to the Lord aloud and alone, or simply meditating on some scripture, make it a priority to sit with the Savior and rest in His presence. It's from this discipline of resting and reflecting before the Lord that our lives of redemption will be regularly revived and in turn, we'll be a people changed from the inside out.

Drew

It's the simple things...

Love Love Love Isaiah's Christmas ornaments this year. I just have to post pictures! =)



Remember these toys? Isaiah doesn't have one (yet!) but I had one growing up. What a cute ornament it makes!



I think this one is so cute too. And they are both made out of wood, which I love!



LOVE AND LOGIC MAGIC! Part II

As Isaiah gets older and is showing more and more of his will, personality, and disposition, Drew and I have spent more and more time contemplating how to raise our little guy to be a godly man who respects others and fears the Lord. Parenting is a daunting task and so much is on the line! A book that we have found very helpful as we wade through all the information on how to raise children is a book called Love and Logic Magic by Jim Fay and Charles Fay. In my first post on the book I talked about the first principle of Love and Logic which is: Build the Self-Concept.

The second principle of Love and Logic is: Share the Control!

Control is a basic human emotional need. It's something we crave so strongly that sometimes people will even hurt others- or themselves- to regain it. Yet, battles over control benefit no one. They create tension and make warriors out of people! Love and Logic teaches parents the art of control. What is this "art"? Simply stated, give control away when you don't need it, so you can get some back when you do! Love and Logic also teaches the science of control. What is this "science"? Share control by giving the types of choices that do not cause a problem for you.

Here's a story to give you an example of what I am talking about. It's a little extreme but you'll get the idea! =)

Sammy's father asked him, "Do you think it would be a good day to have fun at the park, or do you think it would be a good day to not have fun at the park?"

Sammy's eyes lit up, he got this funny look on his face, and he said, "Fun at the park, Silly!"

Dad is sharing control with some fun choices. Mom decides to join in the fun.

"Okay. Now, let's see," she adds. "Do you want me to put your car seat on the left side of the backseat, or the right side?"

"I want to sit in the front!" says Sammy.

"Oh, that wasn't a choice. Let's put you on the right side." Not giving his child a chance to complain, Sammy's dad moves forward quickly. "Do you want me to drive the speed limit, or do you want me to drive a bit slower?"

"I want you to drive the speed limit, so we can get there fast!" Sammy says, partly exasperated by all these questions but, at the same time, feeling a great sense of control in telling his father how to drive the car.

When they get to the park, Sammy's mother asks, "Do you want to get on the swing first, or would you rather get on the slide?"

"I want to swing first!"

"Okay," says dad. "Do you want me to push you, or do you want to swing by yourself?"

"Push me!" Sammy says, all excited.

"You want me to push you hard, or soft?"

"Hard!"

"Oh, okay," says his father. "Do you want to fall off and hurt yourself, or not fall off and hurt yourself?"

"Not!" says Sammy, perfectly seriously, although by now his mom and dad are laughing, so he does, too.

"Okay," says Sammy's mother. "You said you wanted to go on the slide. Do you want me to go on with you, or do you want me to stay here and watch?"

"You watch!" he says.

"You want me to catch you like a big monster and scare you when you come down, or do you want me to stand here and just be quiet?"

The wonderful thing about sharing this kind of control with our kids is that we can get silly with it and make fun for ourselves as well as our kids. Sammy's mother notices that they have another fifteen minutes until they need to go. She signals to her husband.

Sammy's dad says to his toddler, "Time to go, Sammy!"

Sammy is having so much fun, he doesn't want to go. He immediately whines, "I don't want to go!"

This is when a Love and Logic parent says, "Oops! I forgot to give you a choice! Would you like to leave now, or would you like to leave in fifteen minutes?"

Guess what this kid is going to choose.

"Fifteen minutes," the happy child says, claiming his control as if he's just won a prize. As this time expires, Daddy says, "Okay! Fifteen minutes is over. Let's go."

Sammy immediately responds, "I don't want to go!"

Mom smiles and whispers, "Now, didn't we give you a lot of choices? This time, it's our turn for a choice. Thanks for understanding." With that information, Sammy looks at the dirt and whispers reluctantly, "Well- Okay."

Sammy's parents shared lots of control by providing plenty of choices. Did you notice that these choices were framed by firm limits? Did you notice how they were careful to give choices only on issues that did not create a problem for anyone on the planet? Did you notice how Sammy responded? These parents are making daily deposits into Sammy's wisdom account that are going to help Sammy- when he's a teenager and throughout his life!

Daddy loves his son.

 Many parents set few limits when their kids are toddlers. They attempt to enforce them later when their children are adolescents. By that time, it's too late.

Sharing control within firm limits teaches wisdom and responsibility. Here is a story of something that we plan to do with Isaiah that shows you what I mean.

Jim gazed lovingly at his little Cindy and asked, "Sweetie? Will you be picking up your toys today, or will I?"

When she forgot, he quietly picks them up and places them on the top shelf of the hallway closet. Love and Logic parents know that children learn best from consequences when their parents avoid reminding or scolding. Jim kept his mouth shut and kept saying to himself, "Let the consequences do the teaching."

The next day, Cindy was a bit confused. "Where are my toys, Daddy?" She asked.

Jim responded softy, "How sad. Remember yesterday when I gave you a choice- to either pick them up or have me do it?"

"Yes, Daddy," she replied.

"Guess what happened?"

"You put them up?" she whined.

Jim simply nodded and whispered, "Yes. Will you be ready to try playing with them again tomorrow, or the day after?"

Cindy cried out, "Today! I want my toys today!"

Jim continued, "Today isn't a choice. Are you going to stop yelling, or do you need to have some 'being quiet' practice in your room?"

Cindy stopped yelling and started weeping softly. Jim looked at her and asked, "Would you like a hug or no hug?"

Cindy looked up and said softly, "Hug."

The next day Cindy's toys reappeared for another Love and Logic training session. Cindy began playing with them but was quickly distracted by her favorite television show. Jim walked by and asked, "Cindy, will you be cleaning up your toys today, or will you be letting me?"

Cindy ran over and began tossing them into her toy chest. Jim couldn't resist asking, "Why are you picking them up instead of letting me?"

"Silly Daddy!" She responded. "I'm going to play with them tomorrow!"



Isaiah's First Christmas!



Here are a list of choices you can give your kids that helps you share control with them:

• Would you like milk or juice with breakfast?
• Are you going to put your shirt on first or your pants on first?
• Are you going to wear your red shorts or your blue ones?
• Are you going to wear your coat or just carry it?
• Do you want a story before bed or no story?
• Do you want your night-light on or off?
• Are you going to brush you teeth now or in five minutes?
• Are you going to have carrots or peas for your vegetable?

Remember:

• Give 99% of choices when things are going smoothly.
• Provide choices only on issues that are not dangerous and don't create a problem for anyone else on the planet.
• Always offer two options, each a choice that makes you happy.
• In ten second flat, choose for the child if he or she doesn't.

Ok, it's time for me to end this post but before I do I want to say, once again, that Drew and I are not perfect parents and we certainly do not have a perfect child (if you have spent any time around Isaiah you will know that I am telling the truth =)! We are learning right along with you! We have been encouraged by the Love and Logic book and we want to share the knowledge we have gained with other parents struggling to give their children the highest odds of turning out well!

Here's some homework for you this week:

1. See how many choices you can give your child during the day. Every choice you give becomes a "deposit" into your child's sense of healthy control. Have some fun. Even when choices seem small and a bit silly, they can be very powerful.

2. Make a "withdrawal" and see how your child reacts. Pick an issue and choose not to give your child a choice. For example, "Please go to bed. Thank you." If your child says something like, "I don't want to," try saying, "Don't I give you lots of choices? This time it's my turn. Thank you." See how your child reacts. Love and Logic parents say over and over again that the more choices, or "deposits" they make, the more cooperative their kids become. Sounds good to me!!

We're Not in Florida Anymore! :(

Boots, hats, and coats for us! =(

All bundled up and ready for a cold walk!



Keeping toasty warm in his fleece jacket!



LOVE AND LOGIC MAGIC!

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!" Psalm 127:3-5

Since becoming parents a little over a year ago, Drew and I have spent alot of time contemplating what it means to be "good" parents. Being a parent is an enormous responsibility! Not only will our actions affect Isaiah and our future children, they will also affect our children's children, and their children's children, and so on! Wow! Talk about pressure!


Just minutes after Isaiah's birth!

Children truly are a blessing from the Lord! So how do we take this blessing the Lord has given us and "not provoke [our] children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4 )?

There is a parenting/discipline book that we love called Love and Logic Magic by Jim Fay and Charles Fay (there are different ones for different aged children. So far, we've only read the one for early childhood). This book is packed with information on how to raise a child with a healthy self esteem, how to get your children to obey promptly, and how to instill in your children an indwelling desire to do right that follows them into adulthood.

The Four Principles of Love and Logic:

1. Build the Self-Concept- Everything kids learn and do affects how they see themselves, which, in turn, determines what they choose to do with their lives.
2. Share the Control- Control is like love. The more we give away, the more we get in return.
3. Offer empathy, then consequences- Empathy allows children to learn from their mistakes instead of learning to resent adults.
4. Share the thinking- Give your kids a lifelong gift. Every time they cause a problem or make a mistake, allow them to think more about the solution than you do.

Over the next few blog posts I will be expanding on the four Love and Logic principles. But, let me first start off with a disclaimer and say that Drew and I realize that we have only been parents for one year and that parenting is HARD! We don't claim to have all the answers and we aren't saying that our children will all turn out to be perfect, well behaved angels if we just follow these four simple steps. In fact, the goal of parenting is not actually to have perfect angels for children (although that would be nice)! God made us parents so that we could love, direct, teach, train, discipline, and form these precious little ones into boys and girls and someday men and women who love, fear,and serve Him. Not all children turn out that way that parents want them to but we certainly want to do our best to build a legacy of loving Christ that carries through to our future generations!

We're no experts but we are passionate about parenting and we want to share the knowledge that we are gaining with you so that, as we travel this parenting road together, we can learn something from each other! There are never any guarantees in parenting. But we want to raise the odds of our children turning out well, and we want to start early!

We want to be the best parents we can be to all the children the Lord may bless us with. That's why we pray, read, ask advice from others, and experiment on Isaiah (AKA the guinea pig!!). Hey, I was a first born and I turned out ok...so it can't be that bad!

Our little peanut!

The first principle of Love and Logic is:
Build a high self-concept

This is the cornerstone of a healthy child. The building of both the high and the low self-concept happens over time, to all kinds of families, and both are based on small "deposits" that are made on a daily basis - one piece of information at a time.

Good Love and Logic parents make several "deposits" throughout the day so that when it comes time to make a "withdrawal" their kids can handle it and bounce back more easily. "Deposits" are things like compliments on a job well done, giving your children many choices throughout the day, and allowing your child to think of solutions on their own. "Withdrawals" are making your child feel stupid and unable to make healthy decisions on their own, rescuing them from every mistake or learning experience as well as "necessary evils" such as punishment for disobedience, not giving a choice about something (e.g. "You may not put that fork in the outlet!") etc.

Read Aida's story below to see an example of a parent who, unwittingly, was creating a low self-concept in her daughter.

"NO!" Aida's mother said with exasperation. "How many times must I tell you to put on your clothes?" she shouted.
Little Aida looked up at her mother, her smile turning to a frown, and said, "I like to put on my socks first."
"It's just not right," her mother said, more calmly. "You put on your dress first. Then, you put on your socks and shoes. Here, I'll do it for you. Come over here, right now."
"My feet are cold, so I put my socks on first," the six-year old told her mother.
"I don't have time for this foolishness," her mom said, looking at her watch, dressing her child. "You never listen, and you never do things the way you're supposed to do them. What am I going to do with you?"

Every time Aida is treated this way constitutes a "withdrawal" from her healthy self-concept account. Despite the fact that her mother would probably be the last person to wish a low-self-concept on her daughter, she is, unwittingly, helping to create it.

At Alec's house, things are different.

"Alec, honey!" his mother said, "You still have your slippers on and we have to go to school. The car leaves in five minutes."
"I like my Mickey slippers, Mama. I want to wear them to school."
"I know you like them, Sweetie," his mother said lovingly, thinking that she'd like to stay in hers too.
Then, she decided to paint Alec a picture of how he would face the day in his slippers. She did it by asking questions.
"How do you think your slippers would work in the classroom?" She asked.
"Great!" the five-year-old said with enthusiasm.
"How do you think they'll work when you go outside for recess?" his mother asked.
"Oh!" little Alec said.
His mother was very quiet and didn't say another word, which gave Alec time to think.
"I gotta change into my tennis shoes, Mama. Can I pack my slippers on my backpack?"
"Sure, Honey. Car leaves in four minutes."

Alec's mother gave him a gift. She allowed him to think for himself. With unconditional love and wise questions, she let him make a decision, knowing he was smart enough to make a good one.

Along with constantly making "deposits" of self-worth in our children, it is also important that we allow our children to make and learn from their mistakes. How can our children learn to respect the word "hot" if we never let them learn what it means? How can we expect them to obey the word "no" if we always instantly pick them up and move them away from the situations they are not supposed to be in? Every time we rescue our children, we erase their self-concept. Each time they solve a problem instead, we help them strengthen it.

 

Did we completely baby proof our house so that nothing breakable is on low level shelves? No way! We want Isaiah to learn not to touch those things when we say NO! Did we let Isaiah briefly touch my curling iron to teach him what "hot" means? You betcha! And now we feel confident that if he starts running headlong into an open oven he will know what we mean when we say, "ISAIAH STOP HOT!" Do we have cabinet locks to keep all our dangerous chemicals locked up? Of course! It's not about letting your children play with danger. Love and Logic is about letting your child make "safe" mistakes and learn from them so that they will develop a healthy self-concept and make wise choices in the future.

 

FORMULA FOR A LOW SELF-CONCEPT

Parents who:

• Find faults and criticize
• Insist on doing everything for their children
• Don't allow their children to experience the joy of independent success

FORMULA FOR A HIGH SELF-CONCEPT

Parents who:

• Offer empathy, understanding, and unconditional love
• Allow their children to struggle and solve their own problems
• Encourage children to learn to succeed through personal thinking and learning

There's so much more I could write but I need to stop for now! =) I'll finish up the other three principles later! I'll leave you with this: Regardless of all our technological advances, parents will always be the most important source of information and values for their growing children! What a huge responsibility parents have!



Enjoying our new baby boy; Isaiah mark, our blessing!

  *Many concepts and direct quotes (not marked) found in this post and the ones to follow are taken directly from the book Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D.