The Head, Hands, & Heart of IJM

We were recently asked to write a post about IJM and their focus on working to end the commercial sex trade in light of January being national human-trafficking awareness month. Although we simply pasted the post on our blog, its original posting can be found on the following website: Compelled

The Head, Hands, and Heart of IJM.

Head

Have you ever paused and thought to yourself – at this moment, somewhere, someone is suffering? Whether you have or haven't it doesn't take away from the sobering truth of this statement. But, take comfort good reader, there's hope. To have it on the record, the International Justice Mission (IJM) is a Christian human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. The personnel at IJM are a gathering of Christian professionals made up of lawyers, social workers, counselors, and investigators who work with local officials to ensure immediate victim rescues and aftercare, to prosecute perpetrators and to promote functioning justice systems. As nice as all of that sounds, the grand impact IJM is having around the world cannot be evinced clearly until we do something uncomfortable: take a look at all the evil IJM works around the clock to eliminate.

Violent oppression exists in several differing forms in our world and IJM seeks to work in places where these injustices exist. Some of these injustices are illegal detention, illegal property seizures, police brutality, impunity, slavery, and sex-trafficking. Sex-trafficking is what I would like to discuss in this post.

With over 2 million children annually exploited and trafficked in the global commercial sex trade, sex-trafficking is undoubtedly the most systemic abuse of human dignity in our day and age. Literally, what you're talking about here is the use of power being mightily abused to destroy someone's dignity and seemingly, their humanity all together. These victims – women and children – are deceived into this enterprise and treated as items. It's rape for profit, and a big profit it brings. Second to drug trafficking, sex-trafficking is the most profitable illegal industry in the world, bringing in billions of dollars at the cost of precious lives being sexually abused and taken advantaged of. What's more is the effect it has on the victims. Statistics show over 68% of trafficked victims meet the clinical criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder. Extreme psychiatric disruption is what occurs and it takes long-term counseling and therapy for the victims of this modern day atrocity to receive healing.

Hands

At IJM, the focus is on protecting people from violent forces of injustice by securing rescue and restoration for victims and ensuring public justice systems work for the poor. This is a very holistic approach as IJM is not merely interested in rescuing victims from sex-trafficking, but even more so in rehabilitating their life through the use of proper social work and counseling efforts. It's often said at IJM that rescue is only the first step, for it's in IJM's aftercare program where many miracles blossom.

IJM's anti-trafficking casework top priority is to secure protection of the law for trafficked women and children. IJM investigators spend hundreds of hours gathering and documenting undercover evidence of trafficking and sexual exploitation. Using this evidence, IJM staff members then partner with local authorities to rescue victims from situations of ongoing abuse and ensure that they have access to aftercare services to meet their vital needs. IJM lawyers work alongside local authorities to secure the conviction and sentencing of traffickers and other perpetrators.

Heart

At IJM, the heart of everything that is done is to make real the hope which exists in realizing that God hears and sees the suffering and takes action to do something about it. But here's where you, the reader, are faced with a life-changing invitation: God wants to use not merely IJM, but you, and all of his people, to do something about sex-trafficking, about all the injustices of our world. At IJM, the efforts that are tirelessly and faithfully given, are given, because these issues are so dear to God's heart and thus, should be to the heart of his people.

So what can you do? Here are some ideas. Some of these are quite simple, some may require bravery and leaving your comfort zone:

• Simply do a Google search and look up facts about sex-trafficking or other injustices
• Visit IJM's website and look at their resource page and begin learning about current justice issues: http://www.ijm.org/resources
• Write or call your state representatives and urge them to support pieces of legislation which aim to combat different injustices (learn more here) https://secure3.convio.net/ijm/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=135
• Study the scriptures and underline and highlight the passages and verses which pertain to justice. You will begin to see how central these issues are to God's heart.
• I would greatly encourage reading Gary Haugen's (President of IJM) book Good News About Injustice
• Visit IJM's website and learn of other agencies doing a similar work to learn of opportunities how you can become involved on the front-lines of this world-changing work.
• Simply begin to make a daily effort just to remember those around the world who are suffering. In doing so, a stirring work will begin to take place inside of you which in turn, will lead you to take action.

Lastly, be encouraged to know that God doesn't merely call us to take action against injustice. He goes with us and empowers us to do the work. It is through this that the eyes of the watching world will see the hope and love which God has for them. May it be so.

-----------------------

Drew Hutcheson will be serving as IJM's Church and Community Relations Fellow in their Ugandan Field Office. He, his wife, and 16 month old son will be moving there in the middle of May 2012 through August of 2013. You can track his family's Ugandan adventure by visiting their blog at www.thehutchesonheadline.blogspot.com or finding him on Twitter: drewhutcheson

LOVE AND LOGIC MAGIC! Part IV

Successful people never fail, because they turn their failures into wisdom.

It's me again! I'm posting my fourth post on a parenting book called Love and Logic Magic by Jim Fay and Charles Fay. If you missed the previous three posts you can find them here, here, and here.

In my previous posts I talked about the first three Love and Logic principles. They are Build the Self-Concept, Share the Control, and Offer Empathy, then Consequences.

Just chillin out...enjoying the ride!

The Fourth Principle of Love and Logic is: Share the Thinking

Shared thinking means using lots of love and empathy and guiding a child toward solutions rather than either rescuing or automatically doling out punishment. Shared thinking starts when we ask questions.

"What a bummer, Ricky," the mother says to her five-year-old. "You gave your little sister a haircut, and now one side is really long, and the other is short and crooked. What are you going to do?"

Ricky scrunches up his shoulders and mumbles, "Don't know."

Mom responds softly, Would you like to hear some ideas?"

"Uh-huh."

"One idea is to open your piggy bank and find enough money to have a barber fix her hair. How will that work?"

"Ricky's eyes light up. "That sounds good, Mommy. How much will it cost?"

"I'm not sure. I'll show you how to dial the barbershop, and you can ask him how much he charges."

Ricky learns all about using the phone. His little finger pushes the buttons, he utters his question to the barber, listens, says good-bye, and hangs up. Tears are now running down his cheeks. Sniffling, he says, "The man said it's gonna cost six dollars. I only have three. What am I supposed to do?"

Mom replies with empathy. "This is so sad. I'm not sure." She pauses to add a little drama. "Want another idea?"

Ricky nods his head "yes."

"You can earn the other three dollars by helping me with a bunch of chores around here, like dusting and pulling up weeds in the yard. How would that work?"

Ricky looks up and says, "I hate chores."

Mom responds, "Another idea is to pay me with your Commander Bob Action Figure. How would that..."

With half-dollar-sized eyes, Ricky interrupts, "I'll do chores. I'll do chores!"

Did you notice how much thinking Ricky had to do! His mom just built his self-concept through the roof by helping him to do his own thinking and solve his own problem. She didn't get angry or jump in and rescue him.

Having fun on our vacation to Mackinac Island!

Oscar said to his five-year-old daughter, Natalie, "Time to head for school. It's chilly out. Do you want to wear your coat, or do you want to carry it and see how long you can do without it?"

Notice how Oscar gave Natalie a choice but both options mean that she has to take her coat with her.

"I'll take it," Natalie said, "and see how long I can do without it."

As they drove to school, Natalie sat in the backseat and said, "I'm cold, Daddy. Turn up the heat." Natalie's coat was on the seat next to her.
Oscar felt like saying, "Well, put your coat on dummy!" Instead, he remembered his Love and Logic training and opted to say something a bit more loving and effective. "What do you think you can do?" he asked his daughter. Then he shut his mouth and waited a few seconds.

"Oh!" said Natalie, stopping to think and then declaring, "I better put my coat on."

Did you notice how Natalie's father resisted the urge to tell her what to do or to put her down?

Children who can solve their own problems wind up feeling better about themselves!

Here are four very powerful actions parents can take to raise kids who make wise decisions:

Help your child feel good about him or herself.

Develop a strong bond of love and trust with your child.

Allow your child to make plenty of mistakes and learn from them at an early age.

Give your child plenty of practice thinking and solving problems.

The more empathy and understanding we display, the more our children are forced to think about the pain they have created for themselves. The more anger and frustration we show, the less our children think- and the less they learn about solving problems. It is never too early to start teaching your child WISDOM! Wouldn't it be great if your children could learn, early on, that every choice they make affects the quality of their lives? A combination of love and logic can create this learning now, while they are still very young. 

Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic happens when we allow them to live with the consequences of their choices. 

Often times parents use warnings because they love their kids and have read pop psychology books that tell them to do so. Love and Logic parents do not warn their children two, three, or four times before imposing consequences. They set the limit once- and follow through with loving yet powerful actions.

Instead of saying, "Pick up your toys..." and then saying, "Oh, now, didn't I tell you to pick up your toys?" and then warning, "If you don't pick up your toys, I'm going to have to...," the Love and Logic parent simply says, "Feel free to keep the toys you pick up, the rest will be mine!"

That's it. Once is enough. Then, when the toys are still there, the parent says, "Oh, how sad," picks up the toys, and doesn't return them until the child has earned them back by doing some small chore or helping the parent in some other way. If we teach our kids that sad things can happen if wise decisions aren't made the first time, they will be safer and happier in the long run. One thing is certain. Their future bosses will love them...and so will their spouses!

  

Every time we replace anger with empathy and caring, we help a child become better prepared to make wise decisions.

Always wanting to do what Daddy is doing.

My one year old "baby"!

OK, one last thing before I call it a night. One of our favorite applications from the Love and Logic series is the "Uh-oh" song. You use the "Uh-oh" song when your child deliberately misbehaves. Here's how it works:

1. Instead of making threats or giving warnings, sing, "Uh-oh" and take action. Maybe you'll carry your child to the bedroom and say, "Looks like a little bedroom time." Or maybe you'll take away an offending object and say calmly, "all gone!" Whatever action you take begins with "Uh-oh!" Why? Because singing this simple song really communicates, "You are such a great kid, and I am such a great parent that I can handle you without yelling, without frowning, and without stressing myself out." 

2. Gently lead or carry your child to his or her room. Make the room safe...you don't want anything broken!

3. Give your child a choice about the door. "Do you need the door shut, or open?" If a child comes out before she's ready, shut the door and make sure that it stays shut. Turn the lock around. Put a towel on top of the door, wedge it tightly so she isn't strong enough to pull it open. Put a latch on the outside. Whatever's safe and easily done. Stay just outside the door. 

4. Say "Feel free to come out when you're acting sweet." Don't let your child out until she's calm. Some kids need temporary extended time limits. With some children, the first few times this technique is used, they will need to be in their room for more than an hour. It's ok to check from time to time but don't go in until your child is calm and ready to behave.

5. Don't lecture or remind when your child is ready to come out. Just give them a big hug and move on with your day! If they act up again in a few minutes just sing, "Uh-oh" again and repeat the technique.

6. Have fun with your kids when they're behaving. In order for this technique to work you need to have lots of fun with your kids while they're acting good. Otherwise they will love to go to their room to get away from a nasty parent!! 

Well, there's lots more I could pull out from this book but I think that's the important stuff for now. =) I think I'm going to write one more post to wrap things up and then I'll be done. Bye for now!

Moody Alumni - Hutcheson Write Up

Moody Alumni does an awesome job at keeping alumni from Moody Bible Institute in the loop with what's happening since their days of drifting the halls of the Chicago campus.

In each of their publications, Moody Alumni highlights differing alums and gives readers a snapshot as to what they're currently doing and/or moving towards.

For their Winter 2011 Moody Alumni News edition, they kindly asked to do a little blurb on Amber and I and what we'll be doing in Uganda with IJM.



We also wanted to highlight one of the other alumni in this edition, seen in the picture above: Micah Bournes

Micah is quite the talent. He's definitely gifted in the area of spoken word, which has proven to be his main medium in ministry. During February 24-25 in Portland, Oregon, the annual Justice Conference will be taking place. Micah is one of the artists who will be performing, highlighting the biblical call to seek justice, and he will be doing so through his spoken word performance.

If you're new to spoken word, it's a powerful and inspiring way to communicate. You can see Micah doing some spoken word here: The Voice of Justice You can learn more of Micah and his ministry here: www.micahbournes.com.

IJM will also be one of the featured agencies speaking at the Justice Conference which you can read more about here: The Justice Conference (Speakers include: Francis Chan, Walter Brueggemann, & others).

Jesus Paid it All

Last Friday, Isaiah pinched his pinkie finger in the bathroom door. It was a quick pinch and didn't do too much damage...But, Isaiah cried. Hard. Of course I went running to him and scooped him up in my arms right away. A mother's heart is ripped out of her chest when her baby is in pain! Thankfully, he quickly calmed down. However, he wouldn't let me set him down. No toy or snack or other enticement was going to get him out of my arms. He wanted his mommy.

I absolutely love holding my baby boy...but on this particular day I was swamped with things to do. I was in the middle of getting ready for the day, baking and cleaning for visitors coming over that night, and cooking for a get together we had the next morning. I quickly went through my to-do list in my mind. Put mascara on while holding a baby. Check. Brush teeth while holding a baby. Check. Pick up the house while holding a baby. Check. Clean the toilet while holding a baby. Umm..... Cut up onions, pull apart two whole chickens, and chop fresh cilantro for white chicken chili while holding a baby. Well.... There are alot of things I can do while holding a baby but, alas, some things can not be done with a 16 month old on your hip and only one free hand.

So, somewhat begrudgingly I headed for the nursery, turned off the lights, and rocked my little snuggler in the rocking chair. Soon, Isaiah wanted me to sing to him. So, I sang. We went through everything from Amazing Grace to Father Abraham. I even resorted to the Barney Song! Yikes! I was getting desperate. Then, out of no where, the Lord spoke to me and brought to my mind one of my favorite songs:

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

And, as I sang it out to no one but an empty nursery and a snugly little boy, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of God's presence and struck with a strong reminder of how "small" my own strength really is. God knew about all the things I needed to get done that day. He knew how tight I was for time. Yet, he reminded this "child of weakness" to take the time to watch, and pray, and find in Jesus my all in all!

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

I can do nothing without Christ and His strength. All my accomplishments, my goals, my winnings, my positions of status or power mean nothing if I am not finding my all in all in Jesus. If I am not waiting for God's direction in what I do, if I am not basking in His presence, if I am not laying everything down at His feet, if I am not giving Him the glory for all I accomplish, then nothing I do truly matters.

What better thing to do on a busy Friday morning than to take the time to hold my precious little boy and fill his little ears with a message of how the Lord paid it all for us, and thus we owe everything to HIM?

Amber

Passion 2012 - IJM - How Great Is Our God World Edition

Nourishing video: Christ Tomlin and several other musicians singing "How Great Is Our God" in their native language. Just in case you don't recognize them, the choir in the background is the Watoto Children's choir from UGANDA!

In case you missed it this year, Passion 2012 was, as usual, life-changing and awesome! Year after year God continues to use the Passion Conferences as a great medium to unify his church and to bring believers from so many differing backgrounds to an atmosphere of praise and adoration of himself.

Each year Passion has several agencies who are usually involved in a similar cause who set up massive displays to show how people can become involved. This year, Passion's theme was Freedom, focussing on ending modern-day slavery in this generation. There were a handful of agencies there, one of which was IJM. Here are a list of the other agencies who were there doing a similar work, both here in the U.S. and abroad:

International Justice Mission


Hagar International


A21 Campaign


Tiny Hands International


Wellspring Living


The Atlanta Project

Hope is only effective if it's brought to those who need it and claimed by those who have it. We are encouraged by these agencies and praise God their work in bringing hope to hopeless - be encouraged!

2011 Hutcheson Update!

Happy New Year!!

From our family to yours, we wish you warm blessings in 2012! No matter where you may be or what you may be going through, we pray you may experience God's peace and joy in this new year like never before.

We'd like to update you a little on how things are going in our neck of the woods!

Drew- Drew is working two jobs and is keeping very busy! He works part time as a youth pastor for Bethel Baptist Church of Muskegon, teaching lessons Sunday morning and night, hanging out with the youth, and organizing lots of fun (and crazy!) events to keep them busy! He is absolutely wonderful at what he does! He also works full time (47+) hours a week as the manager of a Boost Mobile store here in Fremont. He sells many phones and helps many others with their phone problems. Since he started, sales have gone through the roof and his boss is very impressed with his hard work (so are his wife and son =)! Drew has already started taking classes towards his masters degree and he will finish it up soon after we return from Uganda.

Daddy introducing Isaiah to snow. He saw lots of it last winter but was too young to remember!

Amber- I am an at home mom and I absolutely love my job (and what a full time job it is!)!! It is such a blessing to be home with Isaiah and I treasure our time together!!  Isaiah and I keep busy all day long whether it be cleaning the house, grocery shopping, playdates with other mommies and babies or helping daddy do the things he wants to but can't because he's at work (like write this update! =) I am currently keeping busy writing thank-yous to our donors, getting our international driving permits (so we can drive in Uganda), scheduling meetings, buying and packing things we need for Uganda, and working on the paperwork needed for our adoption!

Christmas morning!

Love love love this sweet, sweet boy!!

Isaiah- Isaiah is 15 months old and is such a sweet boy! He sleeps 12-13 hours at night and still takes two 1 & 1/2 hour naps during the day. We are thankful! He is easy going, obedient (for a one year old!), and is almost always happy! He is a VERY busy boy and is always learning and doing new things. He doesn't sit still for long! We started teaching him sign language when he was 8 months old and he is constantly signing: "all done", "more", "please",  and "thank you". He can also say several things including "mama", "dada", "gigi", "hot", "this", "kitty", "uncle" (his Uncle Josh swears he says it!), "bye-bye", "night-night", and "bama gaga booo jajaka" which I think means, "Dad and Mom, I love you so much, thank you for taking care of me every day, you're the best!". He gives the most delectable open mouth kisses and bear hugs. He celebrated his first birthday on September 25 but wasn't very interested in opening gifts yet. This past Christmas was a different story! He ripped into his gifts with curiosity and excitement. It was so much fun to experience the wonder of Christmas through a child's eyes! Isaiah is a very flexible baby and did very well during our five week stay in Florida where he missed many naps, had many late bed times, and many different babysitters. He thrives, however, in a structured routine of predictable nap and bed times which we implement when we are at home!

The certified present hander-outer at our family Christmas party!

The wrapping paper is just as fun as the present!

He could get used to this present opening thing!

His very own place mat!

Isaiah doing his "model" walk. This boy seriously cracks us up!!

Now that the holidays are almost over and things are starting to settle down, we are able to get busy again with our support raising! We took a break for the holidays to rest and relax and enjoy time with family but now it's time to get back at it again! We are so thankful for the support we have raised thus far and we are trusting the Lord to bring in the rest during these next 5 months before we head to Uganda!

Please join us as we praise the Lord that:

• We have raised 40% of our monthly support!
• Things are progressing, slowly but surely, with our adoption!

Please join us in prayer that:

• We would raise 100% of our support by May 2012!
• Our adoption would go smoothly and we would have our new baby in our home by this summer. The last piece of the puzzle we need in order to complete our home study is a background check from Morocco for Amber. Please pray that it would come back in time to complete our home study and send it off to the government to get USCIS approval before we leave for Uganda.

Thank you to all of our friends and family who have already given and who are praying for us! We are so grateful and so blessed to have such a great support group surrounding us as we follow the Lord's call to mission work overseas. We could not do it without people like you!

If you feel led to help support our work with International Justice Mission please visit the Start-up & Support page of our blog for more information on how you can be a part of helping rescue victims of violent oppression in Uganda.

In all things we remember that:

"The one who calls [us] is faithful, and he will do it!" 

1 Thessalonians 5:24

We trust in Him!

We hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!!

LOVE AND LOGIC MAGIC! Part III

Well, now that Christmas is over and things are starting to settle down, I'm back for the third part of my series on a parenting book that Drew and I are currently implementing called Love and Logic Magic by Jim and Charles Fay. If you missed the previous two posts you can catch up here and here.

In posts 1 and 2 I shared with you the first two principles of Love and Logic: Build the Self-Concept and Share the Control.

The third principle of Love and Logic is: Provide a Strong Dose of Empathy Before Delivering Consequences

As you may have learned from personal experience, when we hurt, we are often moved to make changes we might not otherwise make. Similarly, Love and Logic parents know that the pain of poor choices helps children learn to avoid mistakes. They also know that for this to happen, parents must allow it to happen in a loving way. Love and Logic parents are both strict and very loving at the same time.

Love and Logic parents LOVE it when their children make mistakes! Why? Because the price tags of those mistakes made by young children are much smaller than those made by teens. What's the price tag of wasting one's allowance at age five? It's insignificant. What's the price tag of wasting one's paycheck at age twenty-one? That's another story! What's the price tag of crashing one's tricycle? Perhaps a skinned knee. What's the price tag off crashing one's car at age sixteen? Perhaps one's life.

About ready to take off!



Our happy little guy!

A couple of months ago we taught Isaiah the word "hot." He knew when he saw my curling iron that it was "hot" but his book, the wall, his stuffed animal, and the raspberry he was eating were also "hot." We were happy that he could say the word but we wanted him to know the meaning. So, we allowed him to briefly touch my "hot" curling iron. Did he cry? You betcha! (Don't worry, we didn't burn and blister him or anything! =) There was no lasting mark!) But you know what? He learned what "hot" means! And now he says the stove, the hand dryers at McDonald's, his hot dog that just came out of the microwave, and my parents' pellet stove are "hot." He needed to hurt a little to learn to avoid making that mistake in the future. We'd much rather have him cry for a minute from touching one little finger to a curling iron than have him reach out and grab the whole barrel with his hand because he doesn't know what the word "hot" means. It's been a great comfort to us to be able to say something is "hot" and see him avoid it. (And he is just so adorable when he sees something hot. He says "hot, hot, hot" over and over again and reaches out his hand like he's going to touch it and then quickly brings it back again just like we do when we tell him something is hot. He's so precious!)

Here's a picture from this past Christmas that shows Isaiah's understanding of the word hot. We were at my grandparents and they have a gas heater with a very hot pilot flame that has nothing protecting little hands from touching it. Isaiah reached out to touch it while I was taking a picture of him.

 I immediately told him that the heater was hot and he was not allowed to touch it and he pulled his hand right back! He doesn't mess around with hot things! :)

Robert's dad, Steve, had not gone fishing in a long time, and he was looking forward to this trip. This time Steve was taking his son, who was going fishing for the first time. They were both excited; however, by the time they made the hour-long drive, little Robert was what we call "three-quarters cranky"- not really a problem yet, but getting there.

Robert started to whine, "I don't want to go fishing. This is boring. It's cold up here."

"Well," said Steve, "let's give it a try since we came all this way." The two of them found a shallow part of the lake and walked out halfway, where it was only about a foot deep. There were some mossy rocks- fairly flat but not very high- jutting out of the water.

When Steve looked up, he saw Robert starting to climb one of the low rocks. He thought to himself, "I better warn him and tell him to get off that rock. He's going to fall in. I know he is."

What does a wise Love and Logic parent do at this point? The first question is always, "Will my child get hurt if he makes a mistake?" Steve quickly reviewed the situation. "It's sandy here, not high, but he could get cold." The second question a parent asks is, "What will the child learn from this?" Steve thought, "He'll never do it again!"

A second later Steve heard a big splash. he turned and saw Robert jumping out of the water moving toward his father. "Daddy!" Robert cried, "You didn't tell me that rocks get slippery when they're wet!"

"Well," asked his father, with warmth and sadness in his voice, "What do you think?"

"I think they do!" Little Robert said as his dad pulled a towel from his backpack and wrapped it around his son.

"You're right!" said Steve. "You are one smart kid, you know that?"

Steve contributed to Robert's self-concept by letting him make the slippery rock discovery on his own. He didn't enjoy watching his son fall in, but he allowed it, because he knew it was an opportunity for learning. The next time they went fishing, do you think little Robert watched the rocks closely to be sure of his footing? Absolutely!

Love and Logic parents look upon their children's mistakes with great joy! Rather than get angry or frustrated, they see mistakes as opportunities for their kids to think. They ask questions, wait for answers, and make heavy deposits into their children's wisdom accounts. Unfortunately many parents short-circuit or destroy the learning value of mistakes by lecturing or responding with sternness or anger.



Bath time! (and notice the thumb poised for action! I had probably just pulled it out of his mouth. =)

Why Anger Short-Circuits Learning

The "fight or flight" response exists in all human beings. When we feel threatened or in danger, our brain tells us, "this is unsafe! Get ready to fight, or get ready to run away!" When we deliver consequences with anger, children's brains go into "survival" mode rather than "learning" mode. They think more about escaping or getting revenge than about how to make smarter choices in the future. In survival mode, we cannot learn. But, when parents provide empathy before delivering consequences, there is no "fight or flight" response. Our children are much less likely to become too angry or scared to learn or to blame others for his or her mistake.

Every time we use empathy, our kids' reasoning brains turn on. Every time we deliver threats or anger, their reasoning brains turn off. Empathy opens the mind to learning.

ANGER VS. EMPATHY

Consequences with Anger

• Stop spitting that food! Quit it! That's it! I'm sick and tired of this! You'll just have to go hungry!
• For crying out loud! If you would just take care of your toys, they wouldn't break. No! I won't buy you another. What do you think? Do you think money grows on trees?
• No, I am not taking you out for pizza. What do you expect after the way you behaved last time? I hope this teaches you a lesson!
• Quit that wining! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop it! Go to your room!

Consequences with Empathy

• How sad. Dinner is over.
• Bummer. I feel so sad when I break my things.
• That is so sad. We can have pizza sometime when I don't have to worry about tantrums in the restaurant.
• Uh-oh. So sad. Looks like a little bedroom time.

Well, that's all for now, folks! I'll write about the last Love and Logic principle soon. I know to some people this may be pretty boring but I am sure to many mothers with young kids out there it is very, very interesting! =) I know I love reading blogs of other moms and seeing what they are doing with their kids. I know one thing for sure, writing about all the Love and Logic stuff has really drilled it into my head. I think I'm going to be dreaming about this stuff!!